“I am a failure” – 5 steps to combat negative self-talk

Dear Alyne is a World Citizen and has been to 72 countries around over the globe. She is a WU customer and guest blogger who we’ve teamed up with. Follow along with her adventures, here: https://www.instagram.com/dearalyne/ 

We ALL go through trials. We all, “Mess up” as they say. But how can we rebound more effectively? 1.) You are not your mistakes

Let’s say you do 100 things this month. Because you are super productive, go you! Now let’s say you royally mess up 3 of them. Your brain is going to latch onto those 3 things and be like, “WOW. GREAT JOB. YOU KNOW WHERE YOU’RE GOING IN LIFE? NOWHERE THAT’S WHERE”. Instead of letting your mind go in that direction, remember to focus on the other 97 things you did well! Instead of looking it as a 3% rate of failure, look at it as a 97% success rate! Wow! You are now an A+ student of life, all with just a little paradigm shift ;) Keep killing it, you.

Imagine your brain is a forest. The paths that people walk down the most are the easiest paths to keep walking down, because the weeds are crushed, the path is clear. People are most likely to walk down those easy paths again and again! This is what happens in your brain. Your brain will default and think the same thoughts that you think most often, automatically. If you constantly say to yourself, “I’m having an awful day. I can’t do this. I’m not smart enough, they won’t want me” then you’ll get stuck in a negative RUT. You will walk the same crappy path over and over. If you work to change your thought patterns, to “I can do this!” or “I can at least try to do this, why not!”, then you can enjoy a more positive series of thoughts every day, create new paths in your brain, and change your mindset to a more positive one!

Sometimes when you feel overwhelmed or discouraged, you need to just breathe. It helps you calm down, science says so. Let’s start with a basic 4-7-8 breath for relaxation. Breathe in through your nose as you mentally count to four. Hold your breath for a mental count of 7. Exhale through your mouth as you count to 8. Continue this cycle a few times, until you start to feel calm and relaxed. It doesn’t need to be 4-7-8 seconds, just breath in that ratio. With every inhale, you’re taking in freshness and positivity. With every exhale, you’re releasing tension, worries, and anything you’d like to be free of.  Let it float away.

“Alright Alyne, so I’m thinking nice thoughts and breathing, not exactly rocket science, what else you got for me?” WELL glad that you asked, dear reader. It’s time to get stuff done! First, grab a pen and paper. This is real life, so we’re writing stuff down in real life. Second, write out some goals. Physical, mental, career, family, etc. Whatever you truly want. NOT what your mom wants for you. Not what you think you should do. WHAT. YOU. WANT. You get one life. Don’t live it for someone else. Be specific, and realistic. Instead of writing, “I want a nice body”, write “I want defined obliques, a natural tan, and white teeth”, then, break those down even further and write how you’ll accomplish each goal.  “I will get defined obliques by eating less overall, drinking more liquids, and eating more lean foods/greens.” “I will get a natural tan by using tanning lotion once a week, since I cannot tan with the help of the sun”, “I will get white teeth by using a whitening solution twice a week for 4 weeks, and by having good mouth hygiene.” Have fun with this!! This is a chance to see what you want and like! Dream big, you can do it!

It is SO easy to get caught up in your own life, wondering what people think of you, worrying about your future. We need to remember, there are other people in the world too. Those people have just as many thoughts, feelings, needs and hopes as we do! Talk to those people. Offer your love and support. Get out of your own head, and thinking about your own problems. Remember that people don’t worry about you nearly as much as you worry about yourself. Help others. Give a bear hug. Lend a shoulder to cry on. Use your experiences to show empathy to someone else who is struggling. Acknowledge that life may not be what you expected, but that is DOES have great merit and great joy. Relax, love, and enjoy.